


that river in Egypt (it’s called denial)

by pikasoos



Category: VIXX
Genre: Canon Era, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-03 19:08:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8726710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pikasoos/pseuds/pikasoos
Summary: That fic where Sanghyuk struggles with feelings. Aka five times where Sanghyuk denies his feelings for Hakyeon and one time he doesn’t.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alunsina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alunsina/gifts).



> This fic is for the lovely alunsina, whose prompts made me think of several plots that it was hard to pick just one. I hope I did it justice and have a happy holiday~ A huge thank you to I as well for being the supportive friend she always is when I panic about my writing and for holding my hand as I wrote this fic, along with answering my questions. You’re the real MVP and ilu for it. Thank you also to A for reading this through for me even when I finished this at the last minute @_@. You're a lifesaver. Finally, thank you to the mods for organizing this event once again, for being patient despite my usual fails and for being very kind and enthusiastic about everything :3 
> 
> Title is a very lame pun, because I think I’m hilarious.

1.

It took three years for Sanghyuk to admit that Hakyeon was attractive. Scratch that, it took him three years to admit that he found Hakyeon attractive. He fully blamed that emotion skit they did for one of their concerts. He also blamed Hakyeon for looking ridiculously cute and soft that day. That and the fact that he often switched between cute and sexy was detrimental to Sanghyuk’s health—

“Hyuk-ah!” Hakyeon called, motioning for him to come forward. All of them were dressed in black long-sleeves and simple black pants for filming. While it looked more than fine on Sanghyuk, the attire suited Hakyeon perfectly, his black hair a little mussed and tan skin glowing. To add to things, he was also smiling. Hakyeon always looked much better when he smiled and it was maddening.

Wonshik and Taekwoon had already finished filming their part for the emotions skit, which was to express the feel of ‘Push and Pull’. Unfortunately, Sanghyuk had been paired with Hakyeon, and the emotion they were supposed to express was ‘Love’. The only thing missing was for them to act out something pertaining to that emotion.

“Okay Hakyeon,” The director consulted his copy of the script before motioning for them to get even closer to each other. “You will be kissing Sanghyuk—“

Wait, what.

“WHAT?” Sanghyuk was sort of glad that he wasn’t alone in yelling that out. The other members had similar looks of shock on their faces from their perch, wondering if the director had eaten something funny this morning.

“On the cheek.” Said director added hastily, as if he hadn’t dropped a bomb on Sanghyuk’s sanity. “If you two get it right in one take, we’ll wrap this part up.”

Sanghyuk opened his mouth, then closed it before he looked at Hakyeon. As expected, he looked positively gleeful about kissing the baby on the cheek. His response did nothing to help the weird, fluttering feeling in his stomach. Maybe he had eaten too much gopchang. “What did I ever do wrong to you, director-nim?”

“C’mon now, Hyukkie.” He definitely did not like the wide grin on Hakyeon’s face. “Let’s do this.”

“Your smile is even more terrifying.” _You look very cute, like a soft bun_ , he immediately tried to get that thought out of his mind, trying to think of not-adorable things like Neji dying or Jaehwan’s dirty socks left on the dorm floor. He did his best to keep his poker face on, even as the director yelled “Action!”. This was okay, it was just Hakyeon hyung who was going to kiss him. He had done it to him and the other members several times before.

 _Yes, but were you this nervous before?_ his brain supplied as Hakyeon took a step forward, and then another until he was standing too close to Sanghyuk, one hand resting on the back of his neck while the other reached out to cup his cheek as he leaned closer.

He yelped when Hakyeon’s lips pressed against his cheek, immediately backing away when the director yelled “Cut!”. To add insult to injury, Hakyeon just laughed, eyes scrunching up a little at the corners as he clapped his hands to celebrate. It was… cute.

“Never again…” He groaned, pretending to rub away the evidence of Hakyeon kissing his cheek. Hakyeon reached out to pat Sanghyuk’s shoulder, but turned it into a neck chop when he flinched and avoided the pat.

“Don’t be so dramatic.” Hakyeon said, finally getting a pat in and running his fingers through Sanghyuk’s hair. Sanghyuk felt the heat rush to his cheeks at the touch, clearing his throat in an attempt to sound normal.

“I thought you were the dramatic one as well as old—“ His comment promptly started a neck-chopping battle that was only stopped when Sanghyuk was called to help with the other skits, which included throwing water at Hongbin’s face and popping a balloon next to Wonshik’s face, among other things.

It was only much later in the dressing room that Sanghyuk curiously touched the spot Hakyeon had kissed earlier, the day’s events playing in his head. His lips had been soft, probably from the lip balm he always used. Despite his reaction earlier, he didn’t… really… mind if it happened again. Even if he was known as the nagging eldest hyung, Sanghyuk also knew that Hakyeon was very good-looking, had nice eyes and a smile that occasionally made him weak in the knees and… oh.

It was… strange, thinking of his leader like this.

-

 

2.

Months passed, and so did their concert. Their schedules increased, and Sanghyuk even found himself busy with his first movie role, shuttling back and forth between the dorm and the set for the day. The one thing that didn’t pass however, was Sanghyuk’s attraction to Hakyeon. It was strange, how as each day passed, he started noticing small things he hadn’t put much thought into before. Small habits like how Hakyeon hid his face when he cried, or how he held his fist in front of his mouth every time he laughed. Sanghyuk wasn’t normally that good of an observer, but with Hakyeon, he found that he could actually make a list of those tiny details. It sounded too much like Hinata how admired Naruto, which flustered Sanghyuk to no end. ( _Naruto and Hinata eventually married and had children though_ , his brain helpfully supplied.)

But no, apparently the world wasn’t done messing with Han Sanghyuk just yet, because they had to have the Chained Up comeback. Where Hakyeon had to grip his thigh as part of their choreography.

Sanghyuk rubbed his hands together for warmth, the October air chilly despite the padded jacket he wore. Underneath were his clothes for the scene they were supposed to be shooting: a long-sleeved buttoned shirt under a mesh shirt along with some pants.

“It’s cold.” Wonshik whined, and he had good reason to. His button up wasn’t fully buttoned, exposing his chest. Sanghyuk grinned and placed his very cold hands on Wonshik’s chest, making him yelp.

“Pervert.” Sanghyuk snickered and repeated the action, Wonshik whining about bratty maknaes with cold hands.

“Guys, be nice.” Hakyeon reached out to pat Wonshik’s back in comfort, eyes occasionally drooping from lack of sleep. His drama had finished wrapping up about a week ago, but he still had to catch up on learning the choreography with everyone else, so that had led to more late nights in the dance studio.

“No.”  Sanghyuk stuck his tongue out, only to have a clingy Cha Hakyeon latch onto his back, arms tight around Sanghyuk.

“You’re too tall.” Hakyeon groaned, his face pressed against Sanghyuk’s back as Sanghyuk tried desperately not to pass out at how warm Hakyeon currently was. “What did we feed you over the years--”

“You’re just short.” Sanghyuk retorted as he held onto Hakyeon’s hands, rubbing them to keep them warm. “And decrepit. And old.”

Hakyeon’s reply to that was to nuzzle the back of Sanghyuk’s neck, making him splutter indignantly about personal space and body heat. He didn’t let go though, not until the director called everyone for a group shot.

 _It didn’t mean anything_ , he thought. Hakyeon was like that with everyone in the group, it didn’t mean anything if he decided to use Sanghyuk as his personal pole today. It didn’t mean anything if Sanghyuk let his leader hang all over him and and keep said leader warm and toasty, or that Hakyeon smelled really good and Sanghyuk wanted to cuddle him like a body pillow.

Nope, it meant nothing at all.

 

-

 

3.

“You’re doing that thing again.” Jaehwan whispered as he nudged Sanghyuk’s elbow with his own. They had gotten an early start on practicing for their April comeback, and Hakyeon had just agreed to their first thirty-minute break of the day.

“What thing?” Sanghyuk replied as he uncapped his water bottle. Taekwoon and Hongbin had gone out to get some coffee and snacks from the convenience store, while Wonshik was squeezing in a power nap, since he had spent a good portion of the night composing. That left Hakyeon, who was currently going over their formations scrawled in his notes. His eyebrows were drawn together as he studied it, expression one of fierce concentration. Sanghyuk wondered what it would feel like to smooth the creases between them as he watched Hakyeon scribble some additional notes. He trampled that thought soon enough, slightly alarmed. _Get a hold of yourself_ , a voice (that sounded suspiciously like Hongbin hyung’s) scolded from the back of his mind.

“That thing where you’re drilling a hole into Hakyeon hyung with all that staring,” Jaehwan deadpanned. Sanghyuk choked on his water. Hakyeon glanced up in alarm, only to find Jaehwan thumping their maknae on the back, before going back to what he was doing. He was far too used to scenes like this that he only meddled when there were screams of extreme pain and cursing.

It took a few more minutes for Sanghyuk to calm down, coughing a little. “I hate you.”

“Just tell him you don’t find him annoying so you’ll stop looking at him in that dumb, besotted way.” Jaehwan said sagely as if his words could magically solve everything.

Excuse you, Han Sanghyuk did not look at Hakyeon in a dumb, besotted way. Dumb, besotted looks were for puppies and sunshine and all good things in life like Cha Hakyeon.

Okay, maybe Jaehwan had a point with the besotted part. Not that he’d tell him that though. “I am not infatuated---“

Jaehwan pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. This boy was more obtuse than he had thought. “Think about how Wonshik stares at me sometimes… yours is much worse. You actually pine.”

The sarcastic reply couldn’t come out, but no matter. Sanghyuk still wasn’t going to stand for this slander—

“I do not pine—“

“Remember when he was filming for Sassy last year? Or that time Wongeun hyung came out to visit? Multiple times, I might add.” Sanghyuk did, but he would rather not talk about such a painful experience. Bad memories should be forgotten, not dragged up at the most inappropriate times to be used against him.

“I swear to god hyung, I will send Kyungri noona those embarrassing photos from the company Christmas party—“

“At least I’m not an emotionally constipated giant—“

“What are you two arguing about?” Hakyeon cut in; the other two looked up in surprise. They’d almost forgot that he was in the room with them, frowning as he stared at Jaehwan and Sanghyuk.

“Nothing!” they both said hastily. The last thing they needed was the subject of their conversation to find  out that they were talking about, well, him.

“You were hissing at each other.” Hakyeon pointed out, arms folded across his chest.

“We weren’t hissing,” Jaehwan said smoothly, getting up so he could place his hands on Hakyeon’s shoulders and let Hakyeon cling onto him like a barnacle. “We were just debating. Spiritedly.”

Sanghyuk nodded frantically at that, his cheeks hot. It was one thing to discuss his crush on Hakyeon with Jaehwan, but it was another to discuss his… feelings for Hakyeon with Jaehwan while Hakyeon was across the room. Even if they were debating spiritedly through whispers.

Thankfully, they were spared from more questions when the others returned, Hongbin nudging Wonshik awake with his foot. Sanghyuk eagerly reached for a bag of shrimp crackers and tore it open, busying himself with eating rather than say, answering Hakyeon’s question.

Because answering that question meant dealing with certain emotions that Sanghyuk wasn’t ready to deal with. Not yet, anyway.

-

 

4.

Today was supposed to be a good day in Sanghyuk’s book. They were free before they had to start preparing for yet another round of promotions, his room was actually clean for once, the new Naruto chapter was out, and he was out with Sungjae and Jackson hyung for a mini Big Byung reunion with barbecue. Unfortunately, that was before the offending photos started circulating around the internet.

It was Jackson who first saw them while scrolling through Instagram, expression amused. “Hey, I didn’t know Hakyeon hyung was filming for Celebrity Bromance.”

“What?” Sanghyuk was so surprised he was pretty sure he looked like he’ had been hit by a truck.

Jackson showed the other two his phone, and he wasn’t lying at all. The feed was filled with pictures of Hakyeon and Lee Wongeun on the street, at a coffee shop, at a flower market, wait was that really Hakyeon handing Wongeun flowers?!

“Ah, so that’s why he couldn’t make it.” Sungjae leaned back against his chair and took a sip of his soju. “They look cute going out on the town like that. Why don’t we go to flower markets, Hyuk? We should go next time and you can give me flowers too… Hyuk?”

Sanghyuk didn’t realize that he was mercilessly stabbing a piece of beef with his chopsticks until he looked up and realized that they were both staring at him. Sungjae had this knowing look on his face while Jackson… was getting a similar one.

He didn’t like the looks of this. “What?”

“Are you jealous?” Sungjae teased, and oh god, why did his best friend choose now of all times to be perceptive?

“That’s crazy, I am not. Hyung can take care of himself.”

“So you don’t mind that he’s on a date with Lee Wongeun?” Jackson put his phone down, which was probably for the best since Sanghyuk might have accidentally thrown it out the window.

“It’s not a date!” he said loudly as he tried to pick up the poor piece of meat he’d been torturing earlier. “It’s for a show!”

His friends, the traitors, shared a look. “You know,” Jackson began carefully. “It’s not bad to like Hakyeon hyung. I mean, just look at him. I might not have known him as long as you have, but he’s one of the best people I know.”

“I don’t like him like that—” Sanghyuk cringed at the desperate tone of his voice; who was he trying to convince, them or himself? “I just…” He took a deep breath to calm himself, trying to think of what to say next. “He’s… important to VIXX.” _Important to me._ “Plus, he’s the eldest hyung and we’ve lived in each other’s pockets for so long. So I just worry about where he goes off to since he’s a workaholic who takes on too many things.”

While that was true, his friends didn’t seem to buy his explanation, but dropped it for the rest of the night anyway. Sungjae swiftly changed the topic to Sooyoung, which brought a great round of teasing from Jackson. The change in conversation was welcome, since it gave Sanghyuk time to breath, as well as think about the implications of their words, his mind drifting back to the pictures he had seen.

For someone who had had acting experience, he sure did a bad job at lying to others. And himself, for that matter.

-

 

5.

It was late when Sanghyuk arrived back at the dorms, warm and a little bouncy from having soju with his friends yet again. Judging from the shoes near the door, the others weren’t back from their own outings or errands just yet, so he entered the dorms, humming as he took off his shoes.

The living room was empty save for Hakyeon, who was watching a rerun of a drama on the couch. He looked up when Sanghyuk made his way into the living room, smiling and patting the spot next to him. “Hyukkie.”

“Hey hyung.” Sanghyuk did his best to ignore the now familiar feeling of his heartbeat rapidly increasing, taking the proffered seat. “Long day?”

“You could say that.” Hakyeon laughed a little and rested his head against Sanghyuk’s shoulder. “Thank god filming finished early today. All that’s missing is a massage.”

Sanghyuk snorted at that; he knew a request when he heard one and nodded. Hakyeon immediately held his arm out so that it was draped across Sanghyuk’s lap so that he could massage it, starting with his fingers.

“You work too much,” he commented offhandedly, studying Hakyeon’s hands and removing the rings from his fingers before rubbing at the joints. Hakyeon closed his eyes, head still on Sanghyuk’s shoulder as Sanghyuk’s fingers massaged  his palm.

“VIXX still doesn’t have that much public recognition, you know that. We need to work harder to show a better side of the group.”

“I know… I just wish you’d take it easier on yourself.” The words slipped out without restraint, and Sanghyuk felt himself blushing at how worried he sounded. What was wrong with him--

“Are you actually concerned?” Sanghyuk didn’t have to look at Hakyeon to know that he was smiling a little. Sanghyuk paused and rolled his eyes, not answering the question. “You’re so cute, Hyukkie.”

“I’m not completely heartless. I care.” _Maybe a little too much_ , Sanghyuk wanted to say, and a few minutes passed before he realized that he was still holding Hakyeon’s hand. “And I’m not cute.” _Not like Wongeun._

It was only when Hakyeon sat up straight to look at him that Sanghyuk realized he had said that last part out loud. He let go of Hakyeon’s hand and tried not to combust in embarrassment. “I. Um. Forget I said that.”

“Not like Wongeun,” Hakyeon murmured, eyes focused on Sanghyuk. “What does that mean--”

“Forget it, I’m heading to bed,” Sanghyuk said loudly, and he got up from the couch to go to the room he shared with Wonshik. He also locked the door, never mind that Wonshik wasn’t back yet. He couldn’t do this, he just couldn’t.

-

 

+1

June was almost over when Sanghyuk finally decided to act. It wasn’t because he wanted this over with, but, Hakyeon deserved an explanation for his strange behavior. Well, even stranger than usual. He just had to figure out how to actually go about it.

So here he was, clutching his phone like a lifeline as he debated whether he should approach Hakyeon or not. It was one of their rare free days, and he wasn’t going to mess this up. Nope, not at all. If only he could get his feet to move. Yeah.

It took a few more minutes before he finally moved, heading for Hakyeon’s room and poking his head inside. Sanghyuk found him lying in bed, scrolling through on his phone. “Hyung?”

“Hm?”

“Do you... food?” Smooth, Sanghyuk, very smooth.

“What?”

“Do you want to order some food?”

“Are you sure?” Hakyeon sat up right away at the mention of food, stretching a little. “Maybe the others would like to go out to eat though…”

“No… well, the others said they wanted hamburgers but I don’t feel like eating those. We could eat here instead…”

Hakyeon stared at him for a while, and it took most of Sanghyuk’s willpower not to hide or do anything equally embarrassing. “Okay, who are you and what have you done with Han Sanghyuk?”

“Hyung. No. I just… really don’t feel like eating hamburgers tonight.” That explanation seemed to satisfy Hakyeon and he moved a little to make some space for Sanghyuk on the bed. Sanghyuk willed himself to move forward, climbing into the bed and leaning against the headboard. “So… um.”

Hakyeon made himself comfortable at Sanghyuk’s side and lay back down, putting his phone on his bedside table. “You look like you’ve got something on your mind. Do you want to talk about it?”

“I guess.” Sanghyuk shrugged as he reached down to toy with Hakyeon’s hair, the strands smooth and silky against his fingers. “It’s… personal, and I thought that you should hear it.”

Hakyeon was silent at this, his only response a small nod. Sanghyuk took a deep breath, it was now or never.

“I like you, hyung. I really like you.”


End file.
